2016 has been one of the most challenging years I have ever had to face. As an individual, a wife and a mother.
As much as we’ve achieved as a family, and as much as we can look back and recognise this, I can’t help but feel glad to see the back of it.
Firstly, I struggled with my return to work after being on maternity leave. I didn’t feel ready, i wasn’t ready, I wanted to be at home with Matilda and be there to drop Ruby off and pick her up. I wanted to be a mum. I still struggle with this but not as much.
Then there was Adam getting the keys to his shop. This was a HUGE achievement but did put massive strain on us as a couple and as a family. I was instantly thrown into single parent life whilst he was thrown into working 18 hours a day 7 days a week for 3 months straight until the shop opened. It was difficult trying to be the best at all sides. When really what I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry! (I’m not saying this didn’t happen on occasion) At first I tried to do everything, working, sorting the girls, eating healthy, exercising, household chores. It very quickly became apparent that I was no Mary Poppins. Something had to give. However, the frustrating thing is I’ve now gone too much the other way. My cleaning doesn’t get done as often, I don’t remember the last time I cooked a decent meal, I haven’t exercised in 6 months and now i’m facing the consequences. We’ve all developed some really bad habits. I’m the heaviest I’ve been in a long time and I feel so unhealthy. I rarely do my ironing, we rarely sit at the table to eat, Ruby, being the age she’s at, doesn’t have a great attitude but I do think a lot of that is also down to me being too laid back with her.
Adam and I have not had a proper date in over a year. We rarely see each other so then when we are together its like we have no idea how to be, what to talk about or what to do.
I’ve literally holed myself up for the best part of 8 months. Money has been tight, i’ve not been in the greatest of moods. It doesn’t help that I suffer with anxiety and with anxiety can come depression. Sometimes it feels easier to just not do anything and stay home. I’ve done a lot with my sister as I feel so comfortable with her and Ruby and my niece are more like sisters so going out with them on a weekend is easy. But anything else I’ve found really difficult and just become extremely anxious at the thought. I couldn’t think of anything worse than a social event, planned or last minute.
But Things need to change. I need to stop dwelling in the negativity of my life and find a happy balance with everything.
So I’ve labelled 2017 my Self Love year. I want to start changing my mindset to think more positively. I would like to concentrate on looking after myself more, work on relationships and friendships that have suffered because I’ve holed myself up. I want to eat better, take more walks with my family or just myself, appreciate things, read more. I especially want to work on my anxiety. Rid myself of the things that cause me to think that way. Change my thought process, change my moods and try to achieve a peaceful mind, positive mentality. There is only myself that can do this and change things for the better.
“You’re the maker of your own destiny”
#SelfLove #2017 #imreadyforyou
Live, Love and Laughter